


Come Undone

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Scenarios de par Liaisons [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time in too long to remember, she prayed for strength.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Undone

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR NO WAY OUT 2 AND DOUBT!!! It was hard to write this story though I have had one variety or other of the idea for as long as I have been a shipper. I almost didn’t do it as I find the subject to be quite unattractive but here it is anyway. After hearing the Sugarland song, Stay, I knew I had to do it. The title is from the Duran Duran song I listened to on repeat while writing. This is #1 in the Scenario de par Liaisons series, which chronicles Hotch and Prentiss having an affair at the end of Season 2 and beginning of Season 3. I wrote these fics almost 3 years ago.

She wasn’t asleep and though she knew why, Emily tried to pretend that wasn’t the reason. She lay in the bed on her side, listening to the hard rain fall outside of her bedroom window. The thunder and lightning followed, drowning out momentarily the soft sound of Luther Vandross singing _Anyone Who Had a Heart_. It was going to be one of those nights; she had more lately than she wanted. Sleep wouldn’t come until a few hours before the alarm and all day she would be groggy and irritable. In her job, that was not an ideal side of herself to show. Emily checked the clock in vain, 1:42am. Thank God tomorrow was Sunday.

The buzzing of her Blackberry made her turn over on her back. She thought for a moment of not answering it but that wasn’t what she wanted. What she wanted was for it not to ring at all. When had she become this woman? She was too old for booty calls. She was too busy for late night touch and feel. Except it was more than that, it had been since the first time, which they both called a mistake. It was better to blame it on another tough case, too much booze, and her loss of control with her emotions. What they were going to blame all the rest of it on, she really had no idea.

“Hello.”

“Did I wake you?” he asked.

“No.”

“Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Do you really care?” Emily asked.

“What kind of question is that? Of course I care; I care about anything troubling you.”

“What's troubling you?” she asked, ignoring his statement and trying to calm the anger seething inside. She was so angry but too weak to do a damn thing about it. Once had been enough for this kind of heartbreak. Twice was damn near unforgivable and three times was just stupid. Apparently the third time was not the charm for SSA Emily Prentiss.

“I need to talk.”

“So talk, Hotch.”

“Can I come over?” he asked.

“It’s pretty late…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I still want to.”

“I know.”

“I just…I need to see you Emily.”

“Your wife is going to notice you getting out of bed in the middle of the night and leaving. How you think you’re going to hide that one?”

“Haley isn’t here.”

It hurt Hotch to say her name. She never came up in their conversation. Damn, he never thought he would be that guy…the guy who cheated on his wife. He could try his best to come up with a variety of excuses for his despicable behavior but none of them helped him to sleep at night. He never meant to fall in love with another woman. In fact he tried to pretend that he had not been for the past seven months.

It wasn’t as if he and Emily fell into bed every time there was an opportunity…something else was happening between them. She gave him something he was not getting at home. She gave him understanding. He didn’t have to be SSA Hotchner with her but he damn sure didn’t have to be “Aaron” either. He was starting to hate Aaron’s guts and there was enough guilt about that. He had a family; if he hurt them it would kill him.

To look in Jack’s eyes and see anything but love would be agony. Yet he couldn’t stay away from her. Maybe it would be better if it were just her body. Sex was the least of it, though some of the most satisfying he’d ever had. On his bad days, Hotch wanted to hate Emily. How dare she come and knock him off his horse? His life surely wasn’t perfect but now it was heading into a brick wall at a speed that he no longer controlled.

“Where is she?” Emily asked.

“Please let me come over. I just want to talk. I can't…I can't be alone right now. Please.”

She nearly gasped when his breath caught in his throat. She hated seeing or hearing Hotch cry. He was one of the only people she felt comfortable crying in front of. The first time he cried on her, it was a surprise but her instincts kicked in immediately. She just held on and whispered in his ear that she would never let go. So far, she lived up to the promise.

“Don’t beg me, Hotch.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don’t apologize either.”

“Em…”

“Come over, OK. I’ll make some coffee and we can talk.”

“I don’t have anyplace else to go.” He whispered.

They both knew he would say it, even if it was not true. Emily was beginning to think it was. Aaron Hotchner was not a liar. He wasn’t perfect, but certainly not a liar.

“I know the feeling.” She replied. “Even if you did, I would still say yes.”

Emily said goodbye and clicked off her phone. Sighing, she sat up and swung her feet onto the floor. She got up from the bed, ignoring the robe lying at the bottom of it and went downstairs. Flipping on the satellite radio, Emily found Steve Winwood before opening the curtains. Washington, DC was beautiful on a night like this…it looked cleansed of all of sins.

That was something she would probably never be. She hated to be melodramatic but the thought of God striking her dead right now and burning in the fires of hell, like Grandmother Prentiss used to talk about made her shudder. Maybe his coming there was a good thing. Maybe she could put an end to this. There was a possibility of salvaging a friendship and they were both professional enough to maintain a partnership in the BAU. It hadn’t been affected by the affair so it wouldn’t be affected by the end of it. Oh God, affair. What a dirty word...what a dirty act.

She shook off the feeling of calling him and telling him not to come. Back in the kitchen, she took the coffee she knew that he liked from the cabinet and filled the pot with water. If he was coming from Chevy Chase Emily had some time to get her mind right. She lit a clove from the pack in the drawer, letting the smoke fill her lungs and the essence calm her nerves. Emily sat down at the table and just waited, she hated waiting. For the first time in too long to remember, she prayed for strength.

***

Hotch used his key to get into her condo. Something in him told him it was the right thing to do. They had not exchanged keys because of the affair; many BAU members had each other’s house keys for emergencies. Hotch had one for every member of his team except Morgan, but he knew Garcia had one if he really needed it. He put his jacket in the closet, his umbrella in the holder and walked into the kitchen. For a little while he just looked at her back, watched her smoke. One of these days he was going to get her to quit.

“The coffee is ready.” Emily said without looking at him.

“Do you want a cup?” he asked.

“Please.”

They let the silence reign as he filled two cups. Taking the creamer from the refrigerator and the sugar bowl from the counter, Hotch finally joined her at the table.

“Strauss suspended me for two weeks.”

“What?” that got her attention. “She is on the warpath isn’t she?”

“Yes. She acts as if she has information on us but I know she doesn’t. Sadly, she has no idea how transparent she is.”

“What do you mean information?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving the BAU.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My marriage is falling apart.”

“I think I…”

“Its not you, Emily. It’s so many other things and I am going to request a transfer out of the BAU to try and fix what’s broken.”

“You're going to give up the job you love.” She whispered, knowing she was going to do the same. Damn, why were they so much alike?

“I love my family.”

“I know that.”

“I think Haley is having an affair.”

Emily didn’t mean to laugh, and there was definitely no mirth in it. The look Hotch gave her was incredulous but not angry.

“Ironic, I know.” He finally admitted.

“How long?” Emily asked.

“Longer than I probably want to admit to myself. God, I never thought it would be like this.”

“So you think if you leave your job she will stop doing what she’s doing. Will you stop doing what you’re doing, Aaron?”

He didn’t know the answer to that. The thought of not being close to Emily made his stomach hurt. Still, it was wrong and he had to stop. He loved Haley though he did not think they were in love anymore. So much had changed; they had changed as people. But there was a little boy who deserved to be raised by two loving parents. If Hotch ever hurt Jack he didn’t know how he would recover from that. Two wrongs never made a right…he and his wife had looked two in the rearview mirror some time ago.

“So, one for the road?” Emily broke the silence again.

“I hate when you do that.” Hotch replied.

“What?”

“Act as if I want to be with you strictly for sex. How many times have we had sex, Emily?”

“I hope you don’t think I strike a notch in my bedpost after you left.”

“Four times; I've counted. It doesn’t make me any less responsible for my actions but I am here and I am torn over much more than your body.”

“You don’t know me, Aaron. If you did, you would take what you could get from my body and run.”

“That’s a horrible thing to say.”

“Sometimes I'm a horrible human being.” She said.

“I don’t believe that…I know you better than you think. Look at me, Emily.”

She did, trying to ignore the understanding in his eyes. It was all too much and she couldn’t handle it anymore. Her dreams had been shattered; it was time to move on. Emily didn’t know what else she could do but she was a smart woman…she would think of something.

“I know what tears you apart and keeps you up at night.” He said. “Talk to me; trust me.”

“You really have no idea. I am so sorry you have to go through this but there is no use comparing our situations. Why did you really come here tonight?”

“I thought I knew,” He took hold of her hand. “I thought I had it all figured out but I don't know a damn thing.”

“Is that my fault too?” she asked, her tone accusatory.

“None of this is your fault.”

“It takes two to tango, Hotch.”

“I guess it does,” he stood from the table and held out his hand. “I wish I had the perfect word to make things right.”

“I do,” Emily stood as well. “Goodnight.”

He took a few steps toward her, moving his arms around her.

“It’s all crumbling around me,” he whispered. “Don’t leave me alone. I am tired of feeling alone.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

Emily fought the pull. She fought the way he smelled, the feel of his arms around her, and the desperation in his voice. She fought as hard as she could and she lost. Time number five was just as wonderful as the first four but she knew it would be the last. He would probably be gone when she woke and she would disappear a few days after. She’d gotten used to starting all over again; rebuilding the broken walls. He couldn’t be what she needed him to be. She refused to be what he thought he wanted. There were a million stories out there with sad endings…what made Emily think she was special enough not to have one. What did it say about you when you had a thousand?

“I'm sorry, baby,” he murmured, half asleep in her arms after taking her twice.

“Me too,” she replied, stroking his hair.

“I love you,”

Emily let the announcement hang in the air. She wouldn’t say it just to have it snatched away from her. Hotch and Haley were going to reconcile. Maybe she was having an affair, but so was he. They would work it out and be the perfect couple once more. He was in her arms for the moment; it was always just a moment. She could not let her heart and mind ask for anything more. That would be her undoing.

***


End file.
